Als je druk wordt in je hoofd wordt je druk in je lijf

Als je druk wordt in je hoofd dan springen je gedachtes van een naar de ander. Het bijna onmogelijk vonden om in stilte te zitten met stilte in je hoofd. En als dit heel lang al zo is kan je het bijna niet een in denken hoe dat ook alweer voelt. Rust.

Vijf zintuigen – horen, zien, proeven, ruiken, voelen.

De stromingen van informatie naar je hoofd toe. waarom vind ik dit zo moeilijk om uit te leggen maar makkelijk om bij mezelf toe te passen. Tintelingen naar de hoofd toe. Banen van een snelweg

something is really bothering me. love. its a commitment. and I am not wanting a commitment while also wanting a commitment. I believe I have been using my brain too much the last couple days. I do want love because then you have someone to rely on all the time. I just want to feel free, all I have ever wanted is to feel free. I have to feel free to do the thing I want because I have always wanted to play by my own rules. I don’t like things around me being automated because then it isn’t being run by my own rules. I can’t deal with surface level talking and I had a night last week that absolutely broke my heart. It was cold, it was surface level the way they said goodbye to each other. Can I please ask for more. Levels in a friendship. Or do I just see these levels that aren’t there, created in my mind for something. I have levels that people have to invest for me to be comfortable with you as a friend. Once I have had one sad experience with a person I am more than ready to cut this person out. I have been smoking weed recently to calm my mind. To calm the fire in my heart being so brutal to cancel this friendship. I think of ways how I will excuse myself from seeing this friend. Maybe it’s a surface level interaction because I made it a surface level connection. This back and forth I am tired of.

Feel

How to feel, or how to not avoid feeling. Always be moving and never feel. Keep still and feel too much.

Smell

I have a finished cup of tea on my table, I have burning oils, I have the rain outside on the pavements and the cold in my nose.

Being

I fill my evenings with doing something because that’s what I’ve always done. Night owl and morning cat

Taste

The ways of the people around you. A taste in a life you might want to have. How much of the life you want is in your control…

Looking

I saw a girl last night, she was standing in a light in the corner of the room, and then a boy came over and asked her to dance.

Listen

With the limited time I have left over in the week after work I fill them and lately I have chosen between two plans, cancelling 1.